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Best Movie Quotes

Okay so I decided to list ten of my favourite entertainment quotes:  Feel free to add some in the comments section.

1 “Ready your breakfast and eat hearty, for tonight we dine in Hell”  From the movie 300

2 “next time someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”  Ghostbusters

3 “Release The Kraken!”  Clash of the Titans

4 “I could have had a pissed on carpet”  The Big Lebowski

5 “Fill your hand you son of a bitch”  True Grit.

6 “Timmy’s in the well”  Lassie

7 “Poop in his hand! Poop in his hand!”  G-Force

8 “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” High Fidelity

9 “Get your stinking paws off me you damned dirty ape”  Planet of the Apes

10 “Nobody puts baby in a corner” Dirty Dancing.

(bonus quote),  “My precious…”  Lord of the Rings.

We needed a new roof.  We chose a black metal maintenance free roof that is guaranteed for life.  But should you try to call us on the telephonic equipment don’t be surprised if we don’t answer. We only have cell phones and the metal roof blocks the cell signal in certain spots within our house.  Not to worry though, you call always call Millheim Pa ask the Amish person who picks up the phone to speak to Henry, then tell Henry you are trying to reach the guy who lives across the street from Amy, the one with the new lawn mower and the shiny black metal roof, who is making a racket with his working chipper shredder.

Okay, since you asked so nicely I will explain.

Millheim Pa sports a large Amish community has a population of 907 people consisting 322 families. Millheim also happens to be located 45 minutes away from our home.  We were in Millheim because my wife works with Jamie, Jamie’s husband, Nick is a general contractor who owns his own contracting business Nickolas Klaue Construction.  We were hiring Nick to put on our new roof. For you locals, if you are working on a project I’d give Nick a call.  His rates are reasonable.  He does good work, he was done in the time he said it would take and when done he cleaned up everything.  We could not be more satisfied.  My wife started talking to Nick about our two lawn mowers that don’t work.  Nick suggested that we visit Millheim small engine repair because even if the mowers are not worth fixing, Henry the owner would probably take them as a trade.  My wife and I loaded up the ole’ SUV with the incredibly heavy chipper shredder that I have not been able to start in two years and went off in search of Henry and his Millheim Small Engine Repair.  We spoke to Henry and told him Nick sent us.  We discussed the mower situation and he said bring them on down and we can work something out, after all we are friends with Nick.

Two weeks later we went to pick up our chipper shredder.  Rather than bring the mowers down we decided to take pictures.  From the pictures alone Henry offered us a deal.

While filling out paper work the woman who works for Henry noticed our address and says to my wife.  “Do you know Amy?”  To which my wife replied yes we do, Amy lives across the street from us and is the sister to our neighbor John with whom we are good friends.  The woman explained that she knows Amy and her husband quite well but does not know John, but knows of John because Linda’s daughter is currently dating John.  “Really” we said, we know John is dating but we didn’t know who, nor do we know this Linda.  The woman explained that she knows Linda well but not Linda’s daughter and it is Linda X.  The name to me sounds familiar.   Suddenly I perk up, I know a Dean X we work together or at least in the same company, just different departments.  Dean also lives on our street.  Yes the woman explained, Dean is Linda’s son so John is dating Dean’s sister.

So 45 minutes from home, a complete stranger is informing us of the socio-geographic landscape of our street.  Nothing like life in small town, but wait my big city friends, the saga continues.

The woman helping us with the paper work notices that my wife works at Penn State.  “Oh, I used to work there” she says, “where do you work at Penn State?”  My wife starts to explain and the woman interrupts my wife because the woman used to work at the same lab my wife works!  And their time over lapped each other!

So we ended up supporting two local businesses, learning the gossip on our street, a working chipper shredder, a new riding mower, and a new roof.

Do you remember Nick?  Yeah, well after all was said and done Nick purchased one of our non-working mowers from Henry.  It is the circle of life I’m tellin’ you.  THE CIRCLE…

Quietly driving the to work, The radio is tuned to our favourite talk radio show,(yes we have reached that age) our friend, the very funny Kevin Nelson is host. I’m negotiating traffic, enjoying the views from the mountain top, just enjoying a quiet ride into work while my wife relaxes in the passenger seat with her eyes closed.  Suddenly my wife speaks up:

Denyce: I just learned I can wink out of both eyes independently.

Silence

Denyce:  If both eyes are open I can close my left eye without a problem however if I close my right eye the left side of my face wrinkles up.

Silence

Denyce:  If both eyes are closed I can open my left eye without a problem but if I open just my right eye my left eye opens just a little bit.

Me:  Well, it has been a while since I’ve been able to write a post for my blog.  But I think that’s about to change.

We both laugh and talk about my upcoming post, and how she got thinking about winking and blinking.

 a moment passes.

Denyce:  Maybe it is because my left leg is shorter than my right leg.

You know what I love about ancient history?  It was all one big blood bath!  Take Haman for example.  What you have never heard of Haman?  Let me enlighten you.  Haman, otherwise known as the Evil Haman was a descendant of Agag, funny name, but you deal with what life gives you. Agag was the King of Amalekites, (see despite his unfortunate name he became a king).  The Amalekites were the descendants of the Almalek and if you want to know who that is, look it up yourself because I’m getting lost in all the links I have to go through to tell this story.  However I wouldn’t waste your time looking that up because the Amalekites, (spoiler alert) were wiped out by King Saul and David as directed by God.  Back in 15BC when all this was taking place when God said jump well you had just better jump mister.  Obviously they were not all killed because we still had the problem of the Evil one who now served Artaxerxes II the King of Persia.  Looking at Artaxesrxes name I can only assume it was his grandfather who you can blame for the creation of taxes.  But that is just a hunch.

Pay attention because now we are back on track and getting back to the point of all this.  Sometimes I have to feel bad for you readers because at this point in the tale you have no idea what this post is really about.  Have a little faith and keep reading, it will all become clear.

Haman didn’t like the Jews, probably because Dave and Saul killed off most of his ancestors. I’m willing to bet that Haman didn’t take into account that his ancestors probably tried to kill off the Jews, again an assumption.  I’m not clicking on yet another link to unwind the entire tale.  So Haman plotted to kill all the Jews in Persia.  He tried to convince the King of Persia, (Artaxes) to start off by killing Mordecai.  Haman decided on Mordecai for two reasons, first he drew ‘lots’ and the name he pulled was Mordecai. Mordecai refused to postulate himself before the King making him a seemingly easier target to convince the King to have Mordecai killed.  But as we soon learn, Haman the Evil had yet another little known title which is ‘Haman the Stupid’

Earlier, Mordecai uncovered a plot to assassinate King Artaxes and because of Mordecai’s vigilance the plot was foiled and Mordecai’s service to the king was noted in the King’s royal ledger.

Is anyone out there still reading?  I hope so it is about to get interesting. Mordecai was a super nice guy.  He was so nice that when his cousin Esther became an orphan Mordecai adopted her and raised her as his own daughter.  Years later Artaxes had one of his wives exiled and took another.  This new wife was Esther!  Yes a Jew, yes the same Jew that Mordecai raised as his own daughter.

Mordy learned of the plot to assassinate the Jews of Persia and talked to Queen Esther.  Queen Esther armed the Jews of Persian cities to fight against Haman’s armies and the Jews, as usual were winning the battle. At this point King Artaxes rescinded the order to kill the Jews of the empire. Mordecai quickly became respected member of the court and Haman ended up being executed in the gallows that were built for the execution of Mordecai. 

In memory the Jews celebrate the narrow escape and celebrate the feast of ‘Lots’ because of the Lots that Haman drew when deciding which of the Elder Jews of the empire to assassinate first. 

The Hebrew word for ‘lots’ is Purim and March 7th was Purim so a late happy Purim to you all.

Last year I wrote a post about Passover, it was one of my more successful posts. Click here if you missed it, well worth the read in my opinion. A somewhat humours but accurate take on one of our more poplular holidays. 

The other day I was in the grocery store and came across this little gem and it occurs to me that life, despite the fact that technology is leaving me in the dust, is getting a lot easier.

Kosher for Passover cotton candy.  Perhaps I should think about celebrating the holiday again.

Batteries Not Included

We purchased a new living room sofa, and this badboy is huge, plus with the touch of a button each section reclines. There is a battery backup in the case of a black out but we have yet to put a battery in.  Why?  Because it takes two 9 volt batteries, they are 7.99 and we are cheap.  Besides we live in the woods in the middle of almost nowhere what are the chances of a power failure?

So the other day we did not have a power failure and we still don’t have batteries in the recliner because we are still cheap, but I did learn how we would get our lazy butts out of the chair if there was an outage.

My wife was sitting beside me on her side playing a video game on the computer, half asleep with three of the cats piled on top of her.  I’m on my side, playing a computer game on the ole’ Xbox, half asleep with two cats zoned out on my lap.   The dog is outside on her lunge line.  Suddenly I hear the sound of dogs growling.  Sequoia is more than ready to take on any dog that crosses her path.  I didn’t even think.  Pressing the button on the chair would take too much time.  I tossed the Xbox controller and just leaped off the end of the recliner which remained in its reclined position, my wife was hot on my heels. So yes it is possible to leave the electric recliners without power or a battery backup.

As for the dogs?

When I stepped outside Sequoia was nose to nose with a German shepherd and no, not a guy with a heavy accent herding sheep but the four legged dog type.  I’ve got to give the shepherd credit, he stayed just out of reach of Sequoia they could touch noses but that was it.  The dog took one look at me and headed for home. No blood, no wounds, no fuss no muss.  Just like that it was over.

What is the moral of the story?  We don’t need no stinkin’ batteries.

So, Where did the Candy Go?

Not a post so to speak, Just Sequoia and I having a little fun.

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