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Posts Tagged ‘pizza’

Quinn, our Anatolian Shepard mix firmly believes that like cat poop and cat vomit, pizza is mana from the gods.

 I put two pizza crusts on the kitchen table, went to the fridge to get the fixins’ to make the pizza and when I turned back to the table one of the crusts was gone and for some reason Quinn was high tailing it out of the kitchen. 

When at a dog rescue event a friend of ours commented how good Quinn was, lying down quietly amongst all the chaos. Then somebody showed up with a slice of pizza, illusion of good dog shattered as Quinn stood his 98 pounds up on his hind legs to get nose to plate. 

We brought pizza home. I was at the counter putting a few slices on a plate when Quinn stole one out of the box. Naturally I went after him, my wife joined the fray. such behavior is simply not acceptable.  I had my plate in my hand. We got him cornered, I bent down and retrieved the stolen slice from him. At the same time he stole one off my plate. He has no remorse, no guilt. I dare say he looked somewhat proud.

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So I’m getting older. Yeah I know, what are the alternatives? In my head I don’t feel old but my body tells a different tale.

Sure I identify with those posts of Facebook. Yes I was born before we had home computers. I remember Television without a remote. I grew up in a world without a phone attached to my hip. And if you wanted HD you looked out the window.

But none of that is what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about struggling to finish one Big Mac meal never mind chowing down two like I did in the olden days back when a Big Mac was actually big. And what is with salt all of the sudden? Are they making it stronger? If I eat a Pizza I’m up half the night guzzling water and the other half is spent peeing. I used to order whatever I wanted and the more the better, now if the picture on the menu looks like it has too much food I order something else.

Back in the day I was captain of the relay team many years in a row. Now I don’t run. Run? Who am I kidding I don’t even bend. Two weeks ago I threw my back out removing clothes from the dryer.

At work we have bakers racks where we put equipment. There are four sometimes five shelves to a rack. I’ve never put anything on the bottom two shelves lately even that third has become daunting.

Socks! Don’t even get me started. It is not the socks so much as the feet. I’ve never been a huge fan of feet. But who in their right mind put them so far out of reach of my hands? I need a nap after putting on my socks.

And what happened to all the actors and actresses? Growing up all the stars were older than me and I could look up to them. Now all of them are so young, exactly when did the scale tip? But as young as they are, that doesn’t bother me nearly as much as Doctors. Doctors are supposed to be older more experienced wiser people. I really don’t like Doogie Howser telling me how I should live my life. (Google it)

I remember my father who used too, (still may) lie down after a shower while he was still wet. He would tell my mother, “I’m drying” Dad, I understand. I really do. I’ll stay in the shower a little longer to delay the drying process.

There are advantages. Sex for example is wonderful, especially the one in the winter.

I’m 47.

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Two recent events brought me to the writing of this post.  The first was that somebody asked me if I had any children.  For the last year or so I have responded to that question by saying, “Well, we did have a boy but he was allergic to the dog so we had to adopt him out.”  I really enjoy it when the response is a look of horror, in which case I add, “Well we had the dog first!”

As to why we don’t have children? There are a multitude of reasons and be aware I have gathered the following information from years of observation and the list is in no particular order:

1)      I am cheap, kids are expensive.

2)      They really don’t make good listeners

3)      They make noise, sometimes they make a lot of noise

4)      Poop, pee, puke, yes the three P’s.  I’m not fond of cleaning up after myself why would I commit to years of cleaning somebody else’s.

5)      Confrontation, I try to avoid confrontation at all costs, why would I want something living under my roof that almost by definition is going to be confrontational? 

6)      I’m tired.

7)      At a certain age they ask, “why” all the time.  The only answer I have to “Why?” is “Because” don’t believe me? Ask my wife.  I know it is annoying, I know it is not always an appropriate answer, but seriously it is usually the only answer I have.  Why? You ask? Because!

8)      Both my wife and I hate repeating ourselves, it is bad enough when we have to for each other because one or the other is mumbling while in a different room with our back turned while the television is blasting away and the washing machine is on. But to repeat ourselves because the little monster just doesn’t want to do what is being asked?  That would not bode well. 

9)    When they eat, they are rather messy.  For some reason people think it is cute to carry around a picture with the child’s face covered in food.  For me it is just disgusting.  

10)  While in a drug store my wife thought it would be funny to show me a snot-sucker.  I felt sick for a week.

The second event which brought me to write this post concerns a friend of ours.  They went to a pizza joint where they give the kids some pizza dough, and with that pizza dough the kids can make any shape they want and the restaurant then makes a pizza out of the child’s creation.  I was informed this is supposed to be a mushroom.  A mushroom was not my first guess.

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